It’s been more than a month since my last post here. I confess it’s because of this very last post that I couldn’t publish anything. Every time I thought of a topic I’d realise what I was going to write would hinder my chances for the presidency. But it cannot be helped, I’ll take the risk knowing it’s small as most of my electorate doesn’t read in English.
A few weeks ago, everybody in Algeria was surprised by the transparency displayed by the Algerian regime over the president’s health. Both private and state news outlets gave many details about it and we even saw his personal doctor interviewed here and there. We learned that the president had a transient ischemia, that he didn’t want to go abroad and was forced to as his case couldn’t be treated in Algeria. And soon we were told he was in a great shape and just needed some rest. But after one week of apparent honesty, information flow stopped. Rumours then started: he’s dead, he’s resting yet managing current affairs (Sellal declaration but I put it as a rumour), he’s back in Algeria, he’s in Geneva, he’s still in hospital, his case is very serious, etc.
Another rumour we heard from the beginning was about his mini-stroke. Some sources said he had it during a heated discussion over his brother’s involvement in the Sonatrach2 scandal.
I am glad to share one of our PoFLeaks and give you the truth: our well-informed sources told us the president had his stroke out of surprise after he saw on France24 the regime’s new prowess as they just discovered a new tribe in Southern Algeria. Our sources say this news is also what killed one member of the parliament a few weeks ago (he died in a hospital in Paris according to Ennahar newspaper) and what sent a minister to hospital in Belgium.
And indeed, followers of Algerian affairs must have noticed that the Algerian authorities, the national and international press and some regular Algerians have come to discover that the Algerian South was inhabited.
It’s not that they didn’t know there were some beings there but nobody thought these beings were Algerian and originated from the region. Some even didn’t think they were humans who had rights and duties.
Algeria’s 2,000,000 sq. km large Sahara had always been thought of as a desert full of sand and oil with some oases here and there, some strange animals (camels, fennecs, antelopes and bustards). And the regime found a way to use each of these items: the bustards and antelopes are offered to Gulf Sheikhs and bananas, the fennecs and the sand chosen as the symbol of Algerian football and footballers, the camels are brought every summer to the North for the Algerians (Northern Algerians were the only Algerians known up to date) to enjoy and the oil was used to… well, I don’t know how to express it in one sentence.
We knew there was a specie which lived there and which looked like us but wasn’t like us. Nobody knew how many they were and where they came from. People assumed they were some humanoids and decided to
leave them alone ignore them as they were harmless. They actually were useful to some extent: the authorities always counted them during national elections to show high turnout (these people, though not Algerian, apparently love to fill boxes with papers). They were also used for the amusement of Algerians as they were skilled at creating some harmonious sounds called Tindi and Gnawi.
These people never demanded anything and were therefore given nothing. Teachers and doctors were sent there only in small numbers, the few jobs created there were given to Algerian and Western expatriates (as these humanoids neither fit nor needed the jobs), food reached these places in small quantities and at high prices, etc.
And then suddenly, these humanoids started making noise. It seemed like they weren’t happy. The authorities sent the police, the press sent some journalists. Things didn’t calm down. It took a few weeks before the Algerian experts agreed these people were not only indigenous of the region but they were also Algerian humans. You can imagine the surprise, the shock. The authorities sent a few deputies and then some ministers and even the prime minister to confirm the experts’ opinion. And there was no doubt any more.
They hid it from the president but he got to know about it and you know what happened next. They decided they should therefore react exactly like they did with those they thought were the only Algerians: Some of these “new” Algerians were put in jails, others accused of being manipulated by the East and the West… and the North, then promises were made that each of their oases will have its “maison de culture” for the youths to shelter while wasting their time. They were even allowed to say a few uncensored words before state-owned TV. More importantly, the authorities gave them the ultimate proof of their Algerian-ness by allowing them to join the police force (12k job openings) and awarding them 0% rate credits to
buy small busses create projects.
This is it, Algeria has officially a few thousands more people to feed. I wish I could hear from these new Algerians and know how they feel today and if they do not regret their previous status of calm and innocent beings of the desert.