– The most important thing you have to do as soon as you seize power is to ensure that as many streets and roads as possible are unnamed and all houses and flats are unnumbered. This serves two purposes: it will ensure that intelligence services can communicate without fear of revealing anything intelligent and also will save you considerable amounts of money by cancelling the need for postal services or written communication.
– Similar strategies can be adopted for all other Public Sectors such as Transport, Councils, Law Enforcement etc. (i.e. by cancelling all of them or leaving any residual ones from a previous colonial power there on the condition of neutralising all their powers, you will free the country from any possible devastating strikes etc). By ensuring that you and only you run the country, the country will run smoothly.
– To ensure that your people receive the right message about your policies, you have to enforce and develop proper education strategies. One strategy that has proved its merits throughout history is that which commands all teaching bodies to utilize a uniform language (called the official language of the State. Usually some nearly dead language with strong nationalistic or religious connections).
– Once this strategy is established, you can then produce all government communication in another language (once you have ensured by your education strategy that most your people are non-profficient in that language), hence keeping your people interested. This will ensure that you will seem clever and that your people understand that your Government is multi-lingual and therefore can communicate with other countries for your own country’s benefit.
– Once you seize power, you will immediately see that you have (unlimited) access to an abundant supply of wealth, gifts and women. Do not be alarmed, it is natural. You have to keep reminding yourself that you are running a country and as such you should be the highest paid individual in the country (or on the planet even), otherwise there would be no point in running the country in the first place. You run a country so that you run away with it not so that it runs you down.
– You will notice that your country has loads of natural resources (oil, gas and other natural energy resources). As you are running the country, these resources belong to you automatically. This is good news, because you can sell them all and pocket the money. However, be very careful not to extract the money from your pocket unless you are absolutely sure it will be used for the benefit of your country and the people. The most secure way to invest your pocket money is to transfer it to foreign bank accounts (Swiss Banks are very reliable and secure). That way your pocket money will grow safely until the time comes when you spot a good project you could invest the money in and which would benefit your country. Of course, such projects are very rare to come by and you must be prepared that there could be none during your entire lifetime.
– You must not entrust the country’s money to any organisation or institution but yourself. Until you have tested their integrity and loyalty towards yourself. A good and reliable way to test loyalty is to compare the quality of the gifts received from various parties. Once an organisation has been found to be particularly loyal, you can think together of newer ways to invest your pocket money for the good of the country.
– Once a good project comes along that you think will benefit the country you are running, you can make it known to your people through the telly and the carefully “independentized” newspapers. Research has shown that pre-election periods are the times where people’s receptivity, lethargy and cynicism are at their highest. Hence this is the ideal time to communicate, even in the Official Language of the State (as nobody will give a toss what you’re on about).
– An example of a good project might be a national mosque (assuming the national religion of your country is Islam) of a scale unmatched in all Africa (if your country is in Africa that is). Such a project will benefit your people in that it will offer them a place where to worship and become oblivious to all worldly concerns. Remember, the last thing you should do is stress your people! You should always endeavour to make them immune to any imminent catastrophe or disaster by instilling lethargy, complete uninterest, indifference and despondency in them.
To be continued as and when more ways to run a filthy rich country unravel themselves to me…